17 Things You Have to Explain to Out-of-Towners About New Orleans *
1. It’s pronounced “New OAR-linz”
Not “New Or-LEENZ” and certainly not “N’awlins.” No one says that. Ever.
We don’t know where that came from, but it’s silly, and if you try it,
laugh at you and/or look at you funny.
2. We do not use cardinal directions
Directions are thus: Uptown, Downtown, River, Lake. If you ask us if
your hotel is “North of here,” we’ll have no idea what you’re talking
3. That grassy terrain between the two lanes of a boulevard is called
the “neutral ground”
A “median” has something to do with statistics, but we’re not exactly
Click here for more info.
4. That shiny thing on neutral ground tracks making “wooka” sounds? It’s
Not a "tram," not a "trolley," not a “metro,” and certainly not a
5. We don’t bury our dead
If you bury something in NOLA, it’s likely to pop back up with the next
hard rain, which happens a fair bit here. Since people tend to get upset
when their deceased loved ones literally rise from the grave, we inter
them in above-ground mausoleums, which make our cemeteries unique and
beautiful places that are fascinating to explore.
6. It’s flat
So flat, in fact, that NOLA has only two hills, both of which are
man-made. One was built by the WPA in the 1930s to give local children
“the experience of a hill” -- if you’d like to climb it, it’s called "Monkey
Hill" and it's at the Audubon Zoo.
7. Pretty much nothing is pronounced as it’s spelled
Phonetics have no place in the 504. Calliope St? “KAL-ee-ope”. Same for
Melpomene (“MEL-poe-meen”), Burgundy (“ber-GUN-dee”), Terpsichore (“TERP-suh-core”),
and so on. Also,
8. You’re probably not going to be murdered
Yes, there is crime in New Orleans, and it can be pretty bad, but it's
been getting steadily safer. Just don't treat it like Disneyland for
drunks. Use a little common sense, and you should be just fine.
9. Yes! It’s legal to drink outdoors!
So long as it’s in a plastic container called a “go cup.” Go get one!
10. Not everyone speaks French
New Orleans has a rich French heritage (also Spanish, Italian, Irish,
Jewish...), but this isn’t Montreal dammit
11. It gets ABYSMALLY humid here, particularly in the late summer
This being the tropics -- you can tell by the banana trees and flying
cockroaches the size of Volkswagens -- July and August in NOLA are
pretty much insufferable
12. Mardi Gras, i.e. Carnival
It’s a wonderful thing! Locals genuinely love it. Click
here for more information.
13. Strangers will speak to you
Do not be alarmed or recoil in horror -- they’re not obsessed with you,
that’s just part of life down here. You’ll probably learn a lot about
their sex life, literature preferences, prosthetic limbs, prison terms,
and so on, and you’ll part as friends.
14. The term WHO DAT! is a statement
Hence the lack of a question mark. If somebody shouts WHO DAT! in your
direction, there are only two acceptable responses: “WHO DAT!” and “Yeah
you rite!!!” The NFL tried to claim a trademark on “WHO DAT!” not long
ago. New Orleans was not pleased. The NFL didn’t win.
15. There is a New Orleans accent... it’s just not what you think it is
Not all New Orleanians have a thick accent, and some natives might not
have much of one at all. But the real New Orleans accent has been so
mangled and misrepresented in various media (we’re looking your way,
Kevin Costner in J.F.K.), people are often unprepared for the
weird, wonderful, Brooklyn-by-the-way-of-the-Mississippi-Delta way many
of us actually speak. This is called the “yat” accent, as in “Where y’at?”,
which is a common greeting here.
16. New Orleans is NOT the South
NOLA may be located geographically in the southern part of the
United States... but It’s essentially a banana republic within the rest
of Louisiana. Or, as one local chef once put it, “a Northern annexation
17. This town smells
Depending on where you are (or “where y’at,” rather) and what time of
year it is, New Orleans might smell like horse manure, cigarettes,
urine, dead fish, marijuana, vomit, diesel fumes, fried chicken,
Confederate jasmine, old wood, coffee, Angel’s Trumpet flowers, mown
grass, mossy trees, and sweet olive.
* Revised from "22
Things You Have to Explain to Out-of-Towners About New Orleans
"By Scott Gold Published On 03/21/2014
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